All the world’s a sta… lab?

Over dessert with a friend a few weeks ago, I was accused of “bringing my work home” to the extent that I live my life in accordance with the scientific method. While at first I was slightly wounded, I realized that I do in fact, do this- and furthermore, that it suits me just fine. By this I mean that ideally, people define their terms so that communication is not hampered by misunderstandings; ideas are shared freely and without criticism until trial and scrutiny provide grounds for appraisal; conclusions are based on personal experience, observation and “data” collected with an open mind and objective eye as free as possible from bias- and always taking into account and compensating for potential sources of prejudice. Theories and opinions are always open to revision as life testifies against them, or new evidence comes to light; and (ideally) mistakes are embraced for the lessons they reveal and behaviour is adapted accordingly. Although some may argue otherwise, I don’t think this makes me mechanical, cold, or lacking in emotion or passion; rather it allows me to focus my energy and enthusiasm on worthy causes and effectively steer myself along a fruitful path.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what makes a successful person. Not only in the achievement distinction, but the social sphere as well. What draws the line between someone who is likeable, and appreciated, and another who is cherished and held in high esteem by a wide and diverse demographic? Is it a tangible trait that separates the people who leave a lasting impression, and those who flit in and out of our lives leaving behind merely traces of memories? What distinguishes those who turn their dreams into reality, and stretch the boundaries of knowledge and accomplishment?

I suppose I like to think of people in a way quite similar to cultural relativism, in the sense that I believe everyone must be evaluated on their own terms, and appreciated for the ways in which they’ve taken advantage of the resources at hand, or risen above formidable challenges. That being said, there are clearly people who are dearer to me than others, people who seem to be empirically more successful, and those that I respect and those I do not. Everyone deserves a chance to be admitted to the “people I love, admire and appreciate” file in my brain, but it is (obviously) what they make of that opportunity that determines whether they stay or are demoted.

I think that a lot weighs on one’s ability to communicate who they believe they are to the world. It may seem cheap and cliché to say it, but you’re only as good as you can market yourself. If you state something in your introduction that your results and conclusion doesn’t address or support, you’ve wasted time and incited emotion for naught.
So many people build up grandiose expectations, and paint a pretty picture of themselves, yet have absolutely no follow-through. They whet your appetite like plastic commercial fruit, but when it comes down to it they’re not only nutritionally useless but don’t even taste good. I realize I have more respect for someone who acknowledges their shortcomings (although not necessarily shouting them from the tree-tops) and tells you what you can expect than for those who toss suggestions, ideas and hypothetical future events about in a manner that builds expectation only to let you down. It’s all good and nice to dream big dreams and think great thoughts; and even greater to share them with those around you- but it still isn’t doing anyone any good and can even be detrimental unless you DO something about them! You aren’t letting people down if you hadn’t given them reason to expect something from you in the first place.

This relates to a drawback I find with certain brands of psychotherapy, specifically the “tell me about your feelings” variety; and in a “trickle-down”-esque way; gossip. While I appreciate, and often practice the sharing of ideas for the sake of “throwing it out there”, and to sort the brilliant thoughts from the crazy ones, this method has it’s limitations. Of course it’s therapeutic to talk about one’s problems, or share ideas that have rolled around in your head for days- the very act of getting those thoughts out of your head and into a coherent string of words is a crucial step between their conception and execution; but all too often I hear the same sob-stories pouring out, opening old wounds as experiences are re-lived while re-told; because the cathartic spiel doesn’t follow through to a remedial action.

With psychopaths and rapists who chronically offend, one technique that has shown some promise is not to try to repress deviant sexual fantasies (toward children most commonly), but rather, to follow those fantasies all the way through, beyond the gratifying (and unfortunately for them- very illegal) experience through to arrest, incarceration, trial, conviction and sentencing. To visualize the anguish experienced by victims’ families and the lasting effects their brief actions inflict on those around them. I am by no means implying that gossip or tossing ideas around are in any way akin to raping children; but many people are guilty of thinking things only halfway through. Once a gratifying response is achieved, they stop- and fail to see the consequences that arise later on. My point is not say that you should clam up or shy away from opportunities to get feedback from others about your musings, or map things out to the finest detail before suggesting your plans to someone else; but take those  musings one step further and do something with the ones that seem to have potential, and acknowledge the weaknesses of those that don’t- you’ll at least give closure if someone’s waiting for your follow-up, and perhaps with the scrap material that is now tangible, you can clean it up and make it useful.

Returning to my scientific method analogy- people have to think about the implications of their work before setting out testing questions; some forethought about what is really a meaningful contribution would increase the significance of their results. To succeed, in my opinion seems quite simple: say what you mean, mean what you say, and do what you say you’ll do. Obviously, it’s easier said than done!